"Deadened"

9-2-03

Feeling bewildered, feeling on my own

Lost in this sea of darkness I fall

Took a stand to be who I really am

Now seeing it pushes people away

Feeling useless and invisible

Questioning if things will improve

Tried to make things better

And seemingly made things worse

The constant nightly silence is deafening

Does it seem that this much has been lost

Maybe for most my welcome is overstayed

Making their lives more complicated

So many times echoing inside

Talking about the pain is making it worse

Trying to lock up to most people

Deadening the hurt and rage within

Would it be better or worse

To turn and walk away from it all

Leaving behind some hurt and pain

And trying to start things fresh

Wondering if I'm purposely pushing away

To save their pain for when I'm gone

Knowing it hurts so much inside

Knowing somehow it's not able to hide

Physical surivival is imminent

Is it possible to live the world out there

While turning off the feelings inside

Sinking away from it emotionally

This is all written for you and hoping

Maybe sometime it'll be understood

That the shadow always cared and tried

But it just couldn't stop what was inside